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On Dating

Here is the first of a series on improving your chances in the dating world

 

www.syl.com/singles/datingstatistics.html

 

www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_editions/012633.html

 

Welcome to the ISBN newsletter for the last week of Feb, 2009. Get ready for our launch party and take a look at the stats on those links. Then, come back here and read this.

 

Something to think about.

 

Ok, so we know that 42 percent of the population of the USA is single. Its fun to look at stats, but how does that help you being single? Numbers, its how you look at them and how you use them to your favor.

 

Now, here is something that a lot of single people don’t realize about dating. Sure the nice car, killer perfume or awesome dress may land you a hot date. But in the long run, after many dates with the wrong people, there are two factors that weigh the heaviest in your long term chances of finding the right person. The numbers show there are 92 million singles so that means roughly half of that in your sights. This means if you use the right approach and attitude, you are sure to find someone. Here are some ideas, let me share them with you.

 

Attitude and approach – how are yours?

 

The dating game, a lot of the time, has to do with attitude and approach. Sure, there is chemistry and romance and all that, but having observed singles now in many different countries and watching how those who get more dates and have more FUN dating (as they say half the fun of a trip is getting there!) its easy to see what factors increase the chances of you finding Mr. or Mrs. right. For example If you sit in your room and never go out, or when you do, avoid bathing, swear on dates and recount how you never find anyone you like, odds are you will never find anyone. This is an extreme example of course. But it illustrates how important attitude and approach are.

 

Let’s look at these individually and see how we can leverage these to best increase the odds of you finding the right person. I’ll look more closely in this newsletter about attitude and only briefly touch on approach. Don’t worry, we will go over a lot of topics in the future to help you find the right person, but its key we make sure you have the best possible footing to make future dates and situations work in your favor. Ok, ready?

 

Attitude

 

Attitude is everything when it comes to attaining goals or anything worthwhile. People who don’t give up and keep a good attitude in the face of adversity are hard to stop. Why not apply this to dating? How? Don’t get depressed when you go out on a date and it doesn’t work. Statistically, you are closer to meeting the right person after going on a date with the wrong person. Learn what you can from that date. Remember its a case of looking at the glass half full or half empty. I know its easy for me to say, after you blew your whole paycheck on the gal who stood you up or never called you back. Or you waited all night for the guy who promised to meet you.

 

Know this: its how you can handle rejection, rudeness and adversity–when it happens to you–that will determine how soon you find the right person. Why? Here’s just one example, imagine you are upset for days after that last bad date incident and stop dating for a few weeks, or turn down that person you met at the store who invited you out for a drink. So what if THAT WAS the right person and you decided not to go out with them or you never returned their call?

 

When it comes to dating,you should understand, no matter what, it’s a NUMBERS GAME. As any salesman knows, you have to give each lead or potential customer the same sales pitch as the one before with out prejudging or giving less than your all. In other words, if you let what has happened on the last date affect your next one, you are reducing the chances of finding the right one.

 

Chin up & smile!

 

People like happy people. Happy people attract happy people. So, if you let the last date affect you on your next date or recall your opinion of how guys are who wear blue are losers and so you seem upset when you meet your next date: and he is wearing blue, you are hurting your chances by causing them to see the unhappy side of your personality and not giving the full measure of receptivity they (and you) deserve when you first meet them.

 

So, in a word, go out, be happy. ENJOY dates, have fun, laugh make a friend. If you act yourself and don’t put so much weight on impressing that person, the true you comes out and, if it’s a match, it will be hard to hide. So it’s the only date you got in the whole month? Don’t worry, we will work on getting more dates! But let’s finish this first.

 

Perseverance, the name of the game

 

Don’t give up. If you don’t feel like getting up and meeting the person you promised to meet for a coffee, just do it. You never know. Once I had an argument with a gal I had been dating for several days, things went from bad to worse and, at the end of the date we said ‘adios’ and I walked away.. let’s say upset.

 

As I was walking down the street, mad at myself, I saw a very attractive gal walking across the street. I thought, forget it, I’m done dating for awhile. After 10 seconds (Ok, so I’m a guy!) I don’t know what hit me but I thought, why not? So I ran back, crossed the street and put on my best smile and asked that gal out. You should have seen the look on her face! You know, she was so impressed that I walked up and flat asked her out and didn’t use any cheesy pick-up line that we stood there and talked for AN HOUR on that street corner at 1am. And guess what, we ended up dating!

 

Now its a crazy story, but its totally true. You just can never tell when it will happen, as Louis Pasteur once said, “Chance favors the mind that is prepared. He was talking about scientific

discovery, but in dating, chance favors the attitude that is prepared, the good attitude. So, like the shoe company says, when it comes to going out, JUST DO IT!

 

You never know

 

Im my many years of dating, the gal that I thought was the right one, stood me up and the one I thought was a no go… proved me wrong and turned out to be a girlfriend. It’s happened just too often. As a salesman of many years; never, never, never prejudge a person until you meet them and get to know them. When going out for the first time, Murphy’s Law reigns supreme and they always know someone you do, lived in the same town you did or love the same strange dish you do. We are very complex people and dating is trying to find the mate for a very complicated puzzle piece, it takes a lot of trying many pieces until you find the one that matches.

 

Approach.

 

Now, having lived in 10 countries and being raised in Southern California, I can tell you this: we Californians are obsessed with appearance and image. Everyone wants to be cool, sexy and rich. However we can’t all be. So, shunning a facade and phony image can allow the other person to see the true you, sooner. Besides, you can only put up a fake you for so long.

 

So, if you are only looking for a one night stand, great. But the sooner you can connect with the real you and let the other person feel comfortable letting their true side out, the sooner you can see if there’s a real match. Believe me, there’s tons of temptation to act the part. However, if you get plenty of dates, there’s no need to do this. How do you get plenty of dates? Well, stay tuned, we will be showing you that too. So, its up to you, of course, how you behave on a first date but, if you are afraid the person you are on a date with doesn’t think you are cool, rich or sexy enough, do you really want to go out for more dates with them? Instead, move on and look for someone who likes you for what you REALLY are.

 

Come back next week.

 

So, stay tuned for next week’s newsletter when we go into depth into approach and, more importantly tips on how to get more and better dates. Good luck!

 

 

Pulque

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